Ruling on Engagement and Communication Before Marriage

15-2-2026 | IslamWeb

Question:

Assalamualaykum, im a 20 year old muslim man and ive been talking to this muslim girl in another country whos about to turn 18 in a few days for a while, we know that us talking right now is haram, we plan to marry in the future, but neither of our parents know about this relationship yet, we have talked about engagement before and she asked me if i we could just get engaged as it could take years to get married as students, can we do this or does this type of engagement need a wali? Thank you

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.

The basic principle is that a proposal of marriage should be made through the woman’s guardians. However, it is permissible for a mature and sensible woman to accept a proposal for herself when there is no fear of temptation, as stated by some jurists.

Furthermore, engagement is merely a promise of marriage. Therefore, the suitor remains a non-mahram to the fiancée, and his dealings with her must be based on that understanding.

Since you mentioned that the marriage may be delayed and the engagement period prolonged, we do not advise proceeding with it. Circumstances may arise that require breaking the engagement, and a person may then feel embarrassed or reluctant to do so. It would be better for each of you to discontinue communication and go your separate ways. If marriage becomes possible in the future, then that is good; otherwise, there are many other women.

Finally, sincere repentance is required for the previous communication that took place between you.

Allah Knows best