Marital Problems
Fatwa No: 461227

Question

As´salam-o-Alikum,For the past couple of months I have developed trust issues with my wife. I have this constant feeling that she is hiding something from me. I have stoped so low as to check her phone for messages and the history of few of her regular conversations with her friends from school is deleted. This raises my suspicions that she is hiding something from me even though I know her friends from both gender.She hides it when she goes out I can see that she is out because I have given her my credit card and I can track the usage. On the other hand, she is a mother to our two children. She cooks for us and do house chores but doesn't really talk to me more than necessary. It is mainly because I get home around 5 PM, we eat dinner and rush the kids to Quran school. After we come home from the Quran school we help the kids with homework. After the homework we give them an hour to do whatever they want and then we put them to sleep. While they are in bed one of us either pray Isha besides them or lay with them until they sleep. After the kids are sleep I usually sit with my parents while she stays in her room. We have sleep in the same bed but for the last couple of months we have not had intercourse. When I try to approach her she refuses straight out. This raises my suspicions even more. May be she is not interested in me anymore as a partner since: we barely talk, text or had intercourse. This might all be a fitna from shaytaan but I need help and guidance.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, you should know that there is praised jealousy and dispraised jealousy. The first is when there is suspicion, and the second is based on mere doubts and whispers that are unfounded, and there is no need for them. So the wife should be considered to be free from any abominable act unless the contrary is proven, as we have already mentioned in Fatwa 156495.

If it is proven to you or that you predominantly think that she corresponds with non-Mahram men or that she goes out without your permission, then you have to be strict with her and prevent her from the reasons of temptation, and you should do so in a wise manner. She is a trust with you and you are responsible for her before Allah on the Day of Resurrection.

Allah Says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6]

It is proven that Ibn ‘Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: “I heard the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) saying: “Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for the people under his guardianship…and a man is a guardian in his house and is responsible for the people under his guardianship…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

As-Sa’di  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said in his Tafseer:

It means that you are guardians over them (your women) by enjoining them to fulfill the rights of Allah, such as observing His obligations; and you must protect them from corruption and oblige them to refrain from evil deeds.” [End of quote]

Besides, your wife has no right to refuse to have sexual intercourse with you without a sound reason.

Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “If a husband calls his wife to bed (to have sexual intercourse with her) and she refuses, and he goes to bed angry with her, the angels will curse her until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim].

In this case, you should advise her in a good and gentle manner. If she becomes obedient, then this is what is required. Otherwise, you should desert her in bed as deserting her may be useful to her. In case she persists in her disobedience, then you may seek the help of rational people from among your family and hers, as they may bring her back to consciousness. If she still persists, then you should consider to divorce her, as it may be better to divorce her in such a case.

Ibn Qudaamah  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said: “The situation between the spouses may become very bad, and keeping the marriage would be a great disadvantage and an unadulterated harm, such as if it involves obligating the husband to provide expenses and housing, and keeping the wife in a bad marital relationship and permanent disputes without benefit. This requires terminating the marriage in order to remove the harm resulting from it.

Allah knows best.

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